Summer is way over, that was quick.

 

It's already middle of October and I haven't even decorated my home for the holidays.
Obviously something must be going on if Im literally not super freaking happy right now. It's MY TIME and find so much joy in every single aspect of the summer to fall transition. So what is going on?????

I have a pretty good idea of course and its my people.
Getting back into school/work mode after the summer off has been a little rocky.This year started off with a bang and crash and I'm still putting myself together from it.

I know I tend to be very hard on myself and I dont think its really that this time either. Then when I take a step back and look at the bigger picture, I am a bit burnt out. I am doing so much for everyone and myself too, but I'm really trying to balance that with boundaries.

Last month, my daughter started high school. During the first week of school, she was struggling a bit to find her place and had a really rough morning. I drove her in a little late and as I was leaving the school parking lot, a really overwhelming sense of protection and peace came over me. It was just enough to know I need to let this go right now and get my son to school. A few hours later when I was eating lunch, I felt it again. I leaned into it and asked. It was Mr. K. from my elementary school. He wasn't a grade teacher, but he was staff. He also was the cool and quirky game announcer at her school. He told me he will protect her and not to ever worry when she is present at the school. He is a protector at her school. So I am so grateful for him. I was able to take a little time before I picked her back up to really process all of that experience. I also took the time to remember Mr. K. and how he impacted me as a child and thanked him again. 

So many synchronicities continue to happen to me and that is what I count on to get me through the day. I really have learned that when I ask for help, I learned how to receive it and NOT control it. Finding that flow sometimes feels like so easy, it's boring. Or it's absolutely so difficult I am paralyzed because I cannot make another decision for anything about anything until I get enough rest somehow. I'm still in my cocoon of healing and sometimes I go inside and refuse to come out because it just feels so safe on my own. It's where I need to practice my strength within because it's the only way I'm ever gonna change. It's so damn slow. Like I wasn't prepared for how slow it really is. Like I really tend to get upset about it and I can really spiral within self pity. I've come a really far way from taking it out on the people that I love to, taking a moment to feel it, cry it out, reassure myself and keep moving forward. I really get caught up on the reassuring myself part because it's really hard to do that when Im just tired. It's really me just being tired. I know how to manage my selfcare so I don't get so tired, but not anyone goes along to my schedule these days. So I have no choice but to keep going. I keep saying every day...... I can only save myself. I can teach my family the tools to take care of themselves by modeling it for myself. 

Qveen Herby has been getting me through all this. Thank you.