Why and How Did I actually get here?

I literally ask myself this everyday.
I am Ashley. I am a person first. Then I am a Mom, Wife, Friend, Daughter, Sister...
It took a really really long time to actually believe that I deserved anything outside of all the labels I proudly took on because I thought I needed to use them as my identity. 
It truly started in 2007, when I lost my brother. 
It broke me. A day after his funeral I found out I was pregnant with Alainah. So my life switched back to reality very quickly.
A few years later, I kept finding myself being called to go to local seances. Spirits were reaching out to me every day and I couldn't ignore it anymore. I had to find out how to turn it off. I did meet with a medium at my first seance and she told me "I have the gift" which was so scary because I have always pushed that part away. It was too scary for me. But I found comfort in talking with my brother, he has made it very aware to me that this is something I need to be using DAILY and helping others. I had a few more little awakenings, cutting out all my friends, everyone I really knew.. after a few more years of struggling to figure out who I am.. Especially these last few years, with all of the chaos going on around our earth. It's easy to get sucked into it all and consumed by fear. I have to make that choice multiple times a day, I can allow it to effect me or not. Just have been trying to stick in my own little bubble and heal myself and raise my kids. Its hard when everything feels like it's falling down around you, but you feel stronger than ever. That's mostly because I know how to ask for help and support without feeling ashamed. So when things do get crazy, I know for sure I am not alone, I have asked for help and received said help. Also didn't even put crazy expectations and get disappointed like I always have too. Just changing a few perspectives can really change your brain from negative thinking to positive thinking. 
It's not easy to take on the whole world's problems and pretend like you are not drowning in all of your own. You can set them down and fix yourself. You also don't have to pick them all back up either- if you don't want to. I am most grateful for my husband and his everlasting support in every single thing I do. If I didn't put in all of my efforts into change and continually translating that into my marriage and parenting I wouldn't be actually changing. It's a whole thing to want to change everything and actually do it. By changing I mean digging myself out of negative thinking and focusing on things I can change.